It's Turtles All the Way Down

Spending Time

2011-08-31T10:02:00.000-07:00

Happy that my son is now back living in California.
There's a lot that I could say about non-ideal situations, the struggles that have been (and are being) endured (sometimes rather poorly) and all manner of.....

Well...

What I'm really keenly aware of right now is how much I'm enjoying getting to spend so much more time with my son. We've been building things, throwing frisbees, playing in the sand, exploring the beach, swimming, fixing toilets and just, in general, enjoying being together. And I'm so grateful that the time of being apart so much is now over.

New Music

2011-08-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

Ran across this today and thought it was worthy of sharing.

Uh...with the complete absence of people who will read this.

Damn.

Anyway....here it is:

The Sad Carnivore

2011-08-23T14:35:00.001-07:00

When I lived in Montana I started hunting. It was a mix of "I want to eat meat" and "I want to get outside so I don't go crazy" and "I like walking around the mountains with a rifle."

I moved back to the SoCal last year and the hunting culture is...not as prevalent...as in Montana. But there is a season and normal people can get deer tags so I got one and went for a walk in the back country looking for some food.

It was nice getting out. Didn't see anything that I could shoot but I'm starting to connect with the land here in some new ways.

Still...it'd be nice to make some deer tacos...

Abiding

2011-07-25T15:48:00.001-07:00

It's been an interesting few weeks and I'm actually contemplating writing some more in-depth (somewhat revealing) posts about a few things that I'm dealing with right now. But just to stave off the urge to not post ANYTHING unless I have something monumental to say....well...just thought that I should try to get into the habit of writing SOMETHING. Then, perhaps, my great works will follow...

As for now:
Enjoying the sun when it comes out. I've been on some new medication over the past two weeks and I think that my body/brain is starting to adapt to it. So it's a little easier to get motivated to head out and I've been trying to get into the ocean as much as possible. I hadn't surfed since I moved back to Cali in spring '10 until about two weeks ago. I'm trying to paddle out every day (or at least every couple of days). Waves are small but crappy and I couldn't be happier to get out into the water again.

Abiding, indeed.

Reading

2011-07-12T21:21:00.001-07:00

I'm not a prolific reader compared to other cats out there...hell, I barely read books these days. But I do knock off a few each year and I definitely have my favorites to which I return from time to time.

A few days ago I got the urge to revisit an author. Ernest Hemingway has the distinction (to me) of being probably the only author whose work I was ever assigned to read in class that I actually still feel compelled to read every year or so (Twain should also count...but I read him long before it was ever assigned).

I've read most of his things and relate to characters in several books. Writing of trout fishing in Spain sparked my interest in the country (and I actually DID fish a river in Austria that he had written briefly about). But it's his short stories...man...good stuff.

So that's what I'm digesting these days. Revisiting the complete canon and trying to pick out something new that I can apply to my life right now.

To the Tunes of...

2011-06-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a good one for musical entertainment. Friday night I accompanied a friend and a couple of uber-excited high school kids to a Skatalites show in Ventura.

Okay actually my friend was the uber-excited one. I was stoked to tag along and hear some new music. And the In & Out Burger en route was good, too.

Really glad that I went as the music was top notch. My first time hearing the band (I think my first time hearing ska at ALL...so sorry "going to college in the 90s"...I was on a somewhat regrettable music bender at that time).

Saturday night I went to a Peter Gabriel concert at the Santa Barbara bowl.

Oh. My.

To say that the experience was incredible would be more than an understatement...perhaps by a few orders of magnitude. I've listened, practically fed on, Peter Gabriel songs for the past 16 years and they've always had their places in steady rotation on my "favorites" playlist.

Gabriel was playing with an orchestra rather than his "usual" band and I thought that I wouldn't feel the same connection to the music. I can't even say "in spite of that"...because the experience was so great, the music so deep, the visuals and performances so engaging...can't imagine it being any better.

Running Away

2011-06-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

My legs are sore this morning.

Last night I ran in a 5K race. "Race" isn't necessarily an appropriate descriptor for me as my goal is usually just to finish with a somewhat respectable time. I typically average a sub-8 minute mile and my goal for the season is to hit a 7 minute pace (my best time last season was a 7:11).

This isn't remarkable in the world of runners...and I see all ages and shapes of people pass me on the course. But it's significant to me in that I was (a few years ago) quite out of shape and wouldn't have imagined that I would actually LIKE to get out and run. In the past few years I've run in several races - ranging from 5K to half-marathons (including a fairly gnarly 13K trail run at altitude).

I write this now because my legs are sore and I've been lacking motivation (for the past few months) to really get out there and run on a regular basis...and I have all but stopped cycling. Granted, I've been swimming a lot...but I need to start pushing it a little. Put them all together and I've got a triathlon.

A Friend's Passing

2011-05-23T10:19:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we had a memorial service for Brandon - a friend I met about 4 or so years ago when he was homeless in Santa Barbara. Brandon had some serious issues but, through the years, made some great decisions and ended up getting sober, finding work, reconnecting with his family and falling in love. I hadn't seen him since I moved back to town last summer but we were planning to connect about the time when I got the call that he died.

Even when he was spun out in a bad space Brandon exuded care and interest in others. He was funny, intelligent and incredibly caring. Listening to everyone's stories of him made me realize how much of an impact someone can have...even if that person is a societal "castoff".

We've had friends from the streets die before. This is a tough one...been wrestling with the feeling that it seems that a sense of hope died along with him.

Still - I am so glad that he died when he was on top...surrounded by friends and loved ones and in the best space of his life.

Rest well, Brandon...

It's the Day Before the End of the World and I Met a Girl

2011-05-20T10:13:00.001-07:00

Okay...so really I met her a long time ago and only recently reconnected. As our life circumstances are somewhat different than before we went on a few dates.

She left today to begin a new adventure and explore her own path. Excited for what lies ahead for her...but sad to see her go.

Re-entering this world of friendship/dating has been tricky and it's been somewhat difficult to navigate. Some hits...some misses.

This was one of the good ones.

I think this thing still works

2011-05-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

So. I'm going to try an experiment and actually post things to this space. Maybe even more than once per year. I read my brother's blog regularly and am inspired...so why the hell not?

Starting off with a picture...we'll see what happens next.

2009-12-19T13:50:00.001-08:00

Last night I dreamt that I had super powers…specifically that I could fly. I decided to tell all of my friends about it. The result was that I was rejected…not as a freak but, rather, that people felt that I thought that I was better than they were. They felt the need to show me the things that THEY were good at (but I didn’t feel it was necessary…I had just wanted them to know everything about me). This part is a bit fuzzy…there were knives…and someone was bragging to me that THEY were special because the knives didn’t cut them. The thing is – the knives didn’t cut me, either. And I wanted to warn them that they shouldn’t rely on the phenomenon. But I felt hesitant about telling them. And, in reality, I was relieved that the knives DIDN’T cut me. At the same time I was upset that they might think I felt superior because I had a capacity that they didn’t have…and I felt gratified that I was still capable of doing EVERYTHING that they could.

Thinking about the meaning…any suggestions?

Brief update

2009-12-19T02:26:00.000-08:00

So much for regular posts from South Africa...

I'm thinking of a post to detail some of my experiences and thoughts on the trip. In the meantime THIS is what you get.

So I went from this

to this

At least the beer in Germany is better...

What I'm Doing...or At Least Trying To Figure Out

2009-11-28T11:42:00.000-08:00

For over a year now I’ve been involved with a program at Montana State University geared toward promoting science education to middle school kids. Early in 2009 a few of us in the program envisioned adapting this ‘inquiry based, hands-on learning’ approach into a model that could be shared with disadvantaged communities outside the Bozeman area. The end of the year is approaching and our vision is starting to come to fruition, both in the form of the recent educational outreach to the Crow reservation and, now, with our first outreach to schools in the Kayamandi township near Cape Town, South Africa. The following is a little insight into some of my initial thoughts and impressions of the area…more will follow in the next few days.

After the first few days my main impression about South Africa was that it really wasn’t very different from the Central Coast of California. In fact, except for the locals’ funny accents and penchant for driving on the wrong side of the road, as I was sipping espresso one day I could easily be convinced that I was at a sidewalk café in Santa Barbara or Carmel watching tourists looking at overpriced wine and art. There were plenty of students (young and white) and obviously well to do foreigners milling about and I was somewhat irritated that I had traveled 50 hours through 5 countries to get someplace that was just like the place where I had left.

So I should have mentioned that I’m in Stellenbosch, South Africa. It has been described to me as the ‘heartland’ of South Africa…not always with the best connotation. It’s a region famous for wine and tourism and this is something that is apparent walking down (almost) any street in town. So it is reasonable that my first impressions were as they were…because this place where I landed is basically the South African counterpart to the area in California where I left.

Everything changed this past Monday when I went to Kayamandi.

I was taken on an “exploratory” trip to a couple of the schools that we would be working with…then end result is that I felt completely overwhelmed by the situation here and the battle that is ahead of us. In retrospect, I think that over the past several decades I had developed an image of what “poor Africa” looked like. It looked like young children with distended bellies and big, pitiful eyes gazing deep into the camera as flies crawled over their faces. Sally Struthers was usually in there somewhere. The reality (at least HERE) is something that I wasn’t really ready for and I still can’t really figure out why.

First off – the kids didn’t look sad at all. No frowns or scowls, no pathos in their eyes. In fact, their gazes were more like smiling question marks…trying to figure out who I was, why I was there and what a connection might entail. They seemed pleased when I smiled and waved. I was too. They were all wearing uniforms…nothing on the outside suggested poverty or hardship.

But.

The schools themselves – I went to two and they were very different. One was an established school…full-on buildings, classrooms, play yard, etc. on a hill with a nice view of a valley and a pleasant breeze to keep everyone cool. But keep in mind it’s in the township…so there are cages covering the windows. Big cages which are completely ineffective in that the school is regularly burglarized. Computers, office equipment…even the doors off the buildings…everything gets stolen and, for them, they just say it’s part of life.

The other school was completely different, consisting of an assembly of portable buildings nestled right between open toilets and a foul river from which rats (and hungry snakes) come daily to raid the school’s food supplies (picture a squatter’s camp…that’s a school). It was too hot for the children to be in the classrooms so they were out on the dirt and cement porches playing a game with stones that somewhat resembled Jacks. No grass, no play yard…just white dirt and stone in the road between the rows of “classrooms”. This is a “temporary” school but that’s probably in name only. Land here is scarce and South Africa is hosting the World Cup next year; they’re building a soccer field nearby in lieu of permanent structures for the school. It’s incredibly difficult for the administrators to get resources (in fact…nobody GAVE them the buildings…they just took them over because another school was too crowded…and the buildings were empty. Apparently this is not uncommon). The headmaster told me that they had sent several requests to the government for supplies. They didn’t even receive a response until they sent a communication stating that, “the only language we know is to throw our waste bins into the street and light them on fire.”

The kids were about to be fed while I was there – I saw their meal - slice of bread and a cup of milk. I was told that for some of these kids it would be the only meal they eat all day.

I left the school really wondering what it is that we are going to be able to offer them. I’m in the process of figuring out what types of expectations we should have for this time. It started off as a means to improve “science education” but I think that it will really be much more…or much less, depending on how you look at it. More and more it’s becoming apparent that the critical goal should be establishing connection and relationships. Almost everyone I speak to says that, to really make a difference, we should be focusing on the teachers. I’ve had some great conversations with professors at the University here about this. We’ve talked about ways to mentor teachers and get them more involved. To empower them…to support them, etc.

This isn’t really going to be effective if we try to do it ourselves. I really think that “success” is only going to come with the long-term relationship…and it’s going to be possible only if local educators become the driving force. So – the questions become – How do we start something to do something that we really don’t know what it looks like or if it’s working so that we can help motivate and encourage people to do the same things (or better things) so that we can step aside and let them do it on their own?

For now – we show up. We try to learn and relate. And we figure out what the next step looks like.

I’ve been to slums and mansions before. From where I sit I can ride my bike five minutes north and someone might kill me for my cell phone. And that is not an exaggeration. Five minutes south and I’m riding past well-manicured lawns and houses nicer than any that I’ve seen in Bozeman or Big Sky.

I spent an afternoon this week visiting a winery with colleagues. It was incredible – great wine and a fantastic view of vineyards and mountains surrounding Cape Town. We could have been anywhere and, for a few hours, relaxed and sampled wine and coffee while idly talking about science, politics, etc. To get into this place we had to pass through a guarded checkpoint; the property is surrounded by electric fences and razor wire.

This is going to be interesting…

It's Working Out

2009-11-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

So there has been somewhat of a hiatus with my workouts lately. I can chalk it up to being sick for a few weeks and taking a trip. Whatever.

So tonight I decided to go to the gym and run a bit. It was a little surprising i) how quickly I lose ground (in terms of endurance) and ii) how GREAT it felt to get back into sweat mode.

Time to get back on track...

The Win Column

2009-10-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

I've had a pretty nice time in Virginia with my family. My son and I are a little under the weather but seem to be on the mend. It's been great seeing my nephew and niece (so cute). Also - especially in the midst of all of the drama and turmoil of the past year - it's nice to be able to land and feel like I have a sense of family. Not that I ever been particularly close to any of these people (ironically)...just that I feel a sense of place and support that I haven't before and I am pretty thankful.

After I get back to Bozeman I will have a mad, mad dash to get samples ready for South Africa. I have plans to make, still don't know what I'm doing for Christmas, etc.

All in all, though, right now I am feeling quite positive about the future.

Musical selection: "First Breath After a Coma" (Explosions in the Sky)

The Lose Column

2009-10-09T12:28:00.001-07:00

Still snowing in Bozeman.
Haven't a clue what I am going to do in SA next month.
Got stalked by a cougar this morning.

It's Tired

2009-10-06T22:29:00.001-07:00

Giving a talk at Montana Tech (in Butte) tomorrow. This will be an amalgamation of my dissertation work and the stuff I planned on doing here that doesn't appear to be working that well.

I usually spend about 10-20 times as long preparing a talk as it takes to present it. Seriously.

Post this one in the "Lose" column...

Walking in a Winter WTF

2009-10-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

So I don't live in California anymore. Let me be more specific: I don't live on the Central Coast of California anymore where "winter" means that you have to start wearing socks and the surf is going to get better. And it will rain.

I live in Montana where people have told me - and I'm not making this up - that they start to feel happy when it FINALLY gets below freezing. I had a colleague tell me that she LOVES the feel of -20 degrees. Freak.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a (deserved but unwanted) bitchin hangover and the realization that the weather wasn't going to make me feel better. Easterly wind (strong) and already snowing.

So I contemplated a day of sitting on the couch and hiding from the weather. A friend called and asked if I wanted to go grouse hunting. So I did.
The irony here is that I was prepared to complain about the weather all day but, instead, went out and walked several miles in the mountains IN the weather. Only flushed one bird but had a great time. The sweat and cold air was the perfect remedy for my hangover and I totally punched the oncoming Winter in the face.

Put that one down in the "win" column.

7 month followup

2009-10-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

So...

It seems that all my good intentions to post seem to get bogged in the mire of "wouldn't it be great to write about (blah, blah, blah) and, HEY! maybe I should go for a bike ride!!!!".

Anyone who follows this (Sean) please give some tips (Sean) about how to get some consistency (Sean) with posting.

Topics that I COULD share about:

1) How to lose 60 pounds in a year
2) Science...and many tangential issues pertaining to it (social, ethical, etc.)
3) Divorce...Note: I know almost nothing about the actual act of completion (so far)...but I can speak of many of the darker points and some of the brighter as well (see topic #1)
4) Switching from PC to Mac

So (Sean)...what do you want to read about??

Simple Beginnings

2009-03-02T22:18:00.000-08:00

I read a few blogs. Very few. One is written by a cop. One is written by an ex Mormon. One is written by some guy in SoCal (The Sneeze...forget about the cop and the heretic...you should be reading this one...).

Not sure how this will turn out... not really caring for the moment. Let's put a few posts under our belt and then we'll see if it sticks.